
First off, I should point out that I am indeed a librarian.
But I’m not one of those evil ones Alcatraz is fighting.
At least I don’t think I am.
Maybe I just haven’t been inducted yet?
…
Okay, enough with the self-identity philosophy stuff. Back to the point then, yes?
In an effort to prove to you that I am
not one of those evil Librarians, I would like to introduce you to this book,
Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians.
Of course, if I
were one of those evil Librarians, I might be handing you this book in order to see how you reacted to it. Then if you seemed interested, I might have to… Cough, cough, ahem. Sorry. Was I saying something?
Back to the point. (Again.) The first thing you should know is: Everything you think you know is wrong.
Okay. Not everything. But most of it is.
For instance, there are three continents out there that you never knew existed, one of them quite large and smack-dab in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. How’s that, eh? Guns and elevators are actually quite primitive – swords and stairs are much more advanced inventions. Glass is the most important substance in the world – you can use it to shoot fire, track people, and even create expanding houses. Special things like Talents and Ocular abilities might seem like magic, but are really quite commonplace and can be very powerful if used correctly.
Oh, and dinosaurs are still alive. They’re British, and quite a bit smaller than the museums make them out to be. Librarian trickery, you know.
Oh, that’s right, you don’t know. Well, Librarians rule the world. (At least the evil ones do; I don’t have anything to do with that, unfortunately.) They have all the power, because they control all the information. At least they do in the Hushlands, which is where you and I live. That’s why Alcatraz Smedry is publishing his autobiography under the pseudonym Brandon Sanderson. It’s so people like you will read it and understand how the world truly is, while the Librarians will think you’re simply reading Fantasy.
Oh, are you going to read it? Oh good, I’m glad to hear that. Hmm? What am I doing? Oh, just pulling out my horn-rimmed glasses, that’s all…
((Highly recommended for older readers, due to the high volume of Truths in this story.))